Like a Virgin. Sea Day #5

  

 

Our last full day on the cruise has arrived. Tomorrow morning we’ll dock back in Miami, but today we’re still gloriously at sea - sailing around Cuba and gliding past Key West like seasoned ocean explorers who now know exactly where to find the best food on board.

The day started exactly as it should: with a brunch reservation at Razzle Dazzle. You know, that place - the one with the dangerously good buckwheat waffles and, according to Scott, the best bacon known to humankind. I went for a lighter, virtuous start: watermelon slices with tofu cream, granola, and berries, followed (because balance is important) by the now very familiar buckwheat waffles with pistachio cream. Scott, on the other hand, approached breakfast like a competitive sport: gazpacho, bacon, a chicken sandwich, and… more bacon.

After breakfast we packed our bags and squeezed in a quick workout to convince ourselves that cruise life is, in fact, very healthy. Naturally, this was followed by lunch - because apparently this ship is also home to “the world’s best pizza.” Scott was tasked with bringing one pizza for each of us and returned triumphantly… with three. Apparently there was still one more pizza on the menu we hadn't tried...

As the sun began to set, we did what we’ve done so well all week: watched the sky turn gold and pink. Then it was off to dinner - Wake, the steakhouse, once again. Still absolutely excellent.

Luxury lives here. About iguanas in boring town

 

Dear loyal reader,allow me to introduce you to the most excitingly boring town on the planet: Georgetown, Cayman Islands.

Now, let me be clear - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Georgetown. It’s clean, safe, sunny, and I think, pleasant. But the real question is… what exactly are you supposed to do there?

 
First things first: Georgetown is a tender port. This means the cruise ship doesn’t actually dock. Instead, the ship chills out at sea while humans are ferried to land in little boats, like well-dressed cargo.
On this particular morning, we learned that for some mysterious, never-fully-explained reason, the island nation had decided we were not allowed to land in the city harbor at all. Not even by boat. So we were redirected to a tiny harbor about five miles away.
To be fair, Virgin handled the whole thing brilliantly. From cabin to city center in about 25 minutes, which is impressive considering we technically weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.
On the way, we were treated to a truly unforgettable piece of local history:
Apparently, the Cayman Islands once had a serious iguana problem. Iguanas everywhere. Iguanas climbing trees. Iguanas climbing electric poles. Iguanas clearly aiming for world domination.
The solution?
They installed wires between the poles so iguanas couldn’t climb higher. Then they announced an iguana hunt, paying $5 per iguana. The result? Approximately two million iguanas were removed from the population.
Nature documentaries are still recovering from this.

Anyway—back to the city.
We arrived in Georgetown, which turned out to be immaculately clean, perfectly organized, and made up almost entirely of jewelry stores, watch shops, and more jewelry stores. If you’ve ever dreamed of buying a diamond, a Rolex, and another diamond within a 200-meter radius - this is your place.

We strolled along the waterfront for a bit and then made a very important decision: lunch. And not just any lunch. We discovered a fantastic restaurant whose menu appeared to be based on a single philosophy: lobster, but make it everything. So naturally, we ordered conch fries, lobster lollipops and grilled lobster tails 🦞
Absolutely phenomenal. No further notes. Zero regrets. See pics.

After another short walk (past - you guessed it - more jewelry stores), we headed back to the ship.

Dinner that evening was at the steak restaurant onboard, which was also excellent.

No Problem. Expect the Unexpected

 

Finally Jamaica! We were both excited, because Jamaica had been sitting patiently on our bucket list for a long time, glowing somewhere between “tropical paradise” and “Bob Marley soundtrack in the background.”

We knew the Ocho Rios village itself was on the smaller side, so we put all our hopes and dreams into Dunn’s River Falls. While doing some light research, we discovered that Mystic Mountain was nearby and that you could take a chairlift up the mountain. A chairlift! Through a rainforest! With Caribbean views!
Naturally, we decided to do both. Because moderation is for people who learn from experience.

After disembarking at the port, we aggressively zigzagged our way through a jungle of taxi drivers offering us “best price.” Since Mystic Mountain was only a couple of kilometers away, we decided to walk. Mainly because we didn’t feel like negotiating our way in that hassle.
Thirty minutes later, we arrived at the mountain parking lot - along with a full-on tropical downpour. Perfect timing. We bought our tickets (Tourist Trap & Rip-Off #1), waited for the rain to calm down a bit, and finally boarded the chairlift.
Up we went, gliding through lush rainforest… while all the promised breathtaking views of the Caribbean Sea remained firmly behind our backs. No worries, we thought. We’ll enjoy them on the way down.
At the top, we admired what views we could, plus a tiny bathtub-sized pool that was boldly marketed as an “infinity pool” and generously included in the ticket price. After soaking in the vibes (not the pool), we headed back down.
Plot twist:
The ride down was lower than the ride up.
The views? Rainforest only.
The price of this magical experience? $70 per person.

Next mission: Dunn’s River Falls.
Here we learned an important lesson ' apparently, because we were absolute rebels and didn’t use a taxi to get to Mystic Mountain, we did not come with a personal dedicated driver to take us to the falls afterward. What a surprise.

Eventually, one driver agreed to drive us to the falls and later to town. He drove us a couple of kilometers to the falls’ parking lot and announced he’d be back in two hours. We explained that we weren’t planning to climb the falls (you can scramble up slippery rocks like a determined mountain goat), just walk down to the beach and admire the waterfall.
“No no,” he said confidently. “You need one hour. I come back at one.”
Dear loyal reader, by 12:30, half an hour after being dropped off we had seen the waterfall (which was genuinely beautiful, but cost us 25 dollars to get a glimpse, thus earning the title of Tourist Trap and Rip-Off #2) and were already standing back in the parking lot like confused children who finished their homework too early. We found another taxi and headed into town.

The town itself was… let’s call it a medium-sized disappointment. No colorful houses, no postcard vibes - just broken roads, rundown buildings, and a paid beach.
Yes. $10 if you want to see the ocean and lay on the sand.

We ate some very dry chicken (possibly cooked during a previous administration) and returned to our ship to emotionally recover.

The day ended on a high note, though: dinner at Pink Agave - Mexican food, super fancy, super delicious, and exactly what we needed after a day of rain, rip-offs, and crushed tropical expectations.

Like a Virgin. Sea Day #4

 

Our departure from Cartagena was scheduled for 11:00 PM.

At 10:00 PM, like disciplined adults on a cruise ship, we went to sleep.
At 11:00 PM sharp, a loudspeaker woke us up because there was a small fire in one of the restaurants.
Good morning to us. Went back to sleep.
At 11:30 PM, the loudspeaker returned to let us know that the fire was out and everyone could go back to eating.
This was especially useful information for people who were already in pajamas, half-asleep, and emotionally committed to not eating again.

A few days earlier, the ship’s app had sent us a very serious warning:
⚠️ "The sea will become stormy. Please hold onto handrails while moving around the ship."

Naturally, nothing happened. The sea was flatter than a hotel pancake.

Fast forward to last night at 1:00 AM when we woke up to this:

• Crashing noises everywhere
• Waves slamming into the ship
• Wind whistling so loudly that we had to close the balcony door just to survive the soundtrack.

I checked the app.
No warning.
No storm alert.
Nothing. Apparently this was a surprise storm, a premium feature.
In the morning, the waves were still going strong.
Still no warning.
The app remained calm, collected, and quiet.

 
At breakfast, we bravely chose a table by the window. Because the view.
Our waiter arrived, glanced at the sea, and immediately informed us that he could not look out the window in such a storm.
So for the entire meal, he stared intensely at the table, the floor, and his phone, like the ocean simply didn’t exist.

After lunch, the sea finally started to calm down.
By evening, everything was quiet again.
Peaceful. As if nothing had happened.

Once again, the photo report contains only food. Because apparently, when the ship is on fire or battling storms, we eat.