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Finally Jamaica! We were both excited, because Jamaica had been sitting patiently on our bucket list for a long time, glowing somewhere between “tropical paradise” and “Bob Marley soundtrack in the background.”
We knew the Ocho Rios village itself was on the smaller side, so we put all our hopes and dreams into Dunn’s River Falls. While doing some light research, we discovered that Mystic Mountain was nearby and that you could take a chairlift up the mountain. A chairlift! Through a rainforest! With Caribbean views!
Naturally, we decided to do both. Because moderation is for people who learn from experience.
After disembarking at the port, we aggressively zigzagged our way through a jungle of taxi drivers offering us “best price.” Since Mystic Mountain was only a couple of kilometers away, we decided to walk. Mainly because we didn’t feel like negotiating our way in that hassle.
Thirty minutes later, we arrived at the mountain parking lot - along with a full-on tropical downpour. Perfect timing. We bought our tickets (Tourist Trap & Rip-Off #1), waited for the rain to calm down a bit, and finally boarded the chairlift.
Up we went, gliding through lush rainforest… while all the promised breathtaking views of the Caribbean Sea remained firmly behind our backs. No worries, we thought. We’ll enjoy them on the way down.
At the top, we admired what views we could, plus a tiny bathtub-sized pool that was boldly marketed as an “infinity pool” and generously included in the ticket price. After soaking in the vibes (not the pool), we headed back down.
Plot twist:
The ride down was lower than the ride up.
The views? Rainforest only.
The price of this magical experience? $70 per person.
Next mission: Dunn’s River Falls.
Here we learned an important lesson ' apparently, because we were absolute rebels and didn’t use a taxi to get to Mystic Mountain, we did not come with a personal dedicated driver to take us to the falls afterward. What a surprise.
Eventually, one driver agreed to drive us to the falls and later to town. He drove us a couple of kilometers to the falls’ parking lot and announced he’d be back in two hours. We explained that we weren’t planning to climb the falls (you can scramble up slippery rocks like a determined mountain goat), just walk down to the beach and admire the waterfall.
“No no,” he said confidently. “You need one hour. I come back at one.”
Dear loyal reader, by 12:30, half an hour after being dropped off we had seen the waterfall (which was genuinely beautiful, but cost us 25 dollars to get a glimpse, thus earning the title of Tourist Trap and Rip-Off #2) and were already standing back in the parking lot like confused children who finished their homework too early. We found another taxi and headed into town.
The town itself was… let’s call it a medium-sized disappointment. No colorful houses, no postcard vibes - just broken roads, rundown buildings, and a paid beach.
Yes. $10 if you want to see the ocean and lay on the sand.
We ate some very dry chicken (possibly cooked during a previous administration) and returned to our ship to emotionally recover.
The day ended on a high note, though: dinner at Pink Agave - Mexican food, super fancy, super delicious, and exactly what we needed after a day of rain, rip-offs, and crushed tropical expectations.
We knew the Ocho Rios village itself was on the smaller side, so we put all our hopes and dreams into Dunn’s River Falls. While doing some light research, we discovered that Mystic Mountain was nearby and that you could take a chairlift up the mountain. A chairlift! Through a rainforest! With Caribbean views!
Naturally, we decided to do both. Because moderation is for people who learn from experience.
After disembarking at the port, we aggressively zigzagged our way through a jungle of taxi drivers offering us “best price.” Since Mystic Mountain was only a couple of kilometers away, we decided to walk. Mainly because we didn’t feel like negotiating our way in that hassle.
Thirty minutes later, we arrived at the mountain parking lot - along with a full-on tropical downpour. Perfect timing. We bought our tickets (Tourist Trap & Rip-Off #1), waited for the rain to calm down a bit, and finally boarded the chairlift.
Up we went, gliding through lush rainforest… while all the promised breathtaking views of the Caribbean Sea remained firmly behind our backs. No worries, we thought. We’ll enjoy them on the way down.
At the top, we admired what views we could, plus a tiny bathtub-sized pool that was boldly marketed as an “infinity pool” and generously included in the ticket price. After soaking in the vibes (not the pool), we headed back down.
Plot twist:
The ride down was lower than the ride up.
The views? Rainforest only.
The price of this magical experience? $70 per person.
Next mission: Dunn’s River Falls.
Here we learned an important lesson ' apparently, because we were absolute rebels and didn’t use a taxi to get to Mystic Mountain, we did not come with a personal dedicated driver to take us to the falls afterward. What a surprise.
Eventually, one driver agreed to drive us to the falls and later to town. He drove us a couple of kilometers to the falls’ parking lot and announced he’d be back in two hours. We explained that we weren’t planning to climb the falls (you can scramble up slippery rocks like a determined mountain goat), just walk down to the beach and admire the waterfall.
“No no,” he said confidently. “You need one hour. I come back at one.”
Dear loyal reader, by 12:30, half an hour after being dropped off we had seen the waterfall (which was genuinely beautiful, but cost us 25 dollars to get a glimpse, thus earning the title of Tourist Trap and Rip-Off #2) and were already standing back in the parking lot like confused children who finished their homework too early. We found another taxi and headed into town.
The town itself was… let’s call it a medium-sized disappointment. No colorful houses, no postcard vibes - just broken roads, rundown buildings, and a paid beach.
Yes. $10 if you want to see the ocean and lay on the sand.
We ate some very dry chicken (possibly cooked during a previous administration) and returned to our ship to emotionally recover.
The day ended on a high note, though: dinner at Pink Agave - Mexican food, super fancy, super delicious, and exactly what we needed after a day of rain, rip-offs, and crushed tropical expectations.
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